Even if it's normal, it's tearing me apart! [Mature, please]

[Queen of Hearts`]

I'm 20, 21 in a few months. I don't have anything like baby fever, I don't ever want children. I can't understand that need I suppose.
First of all 21 is young. Your fiance wants to continue to enjoy being young for a while longer from what I can tell. Instead of thinking constantly about what you don't have try and enjoy what you do. You are 21, getting married, have fun! Constantly thinking about what you don't have will not help you. Get a hobby? Distract yourself? Why not babysit? Perhaps being more involved with other peoples children will help you.

[xAlexPorter85x]

Does he know how badly you want a baby? Try sitting him down and explaining to him how badly you are wanting a child of your own. Someone to make your family bigger and more complete. Tell him how depressed you are when you see babies and know you dont have one. If he still says no, try meeting in the middle on when you guys should start having kids. He says a year after getting married, you say right when you get married, try starting 6 months or say after you get married. That way it gives him time to get used to not buying himself all the things he doesnt need and start buying things for babies. Also that way he cant start getting used to the idea of a baby and being a father.

[Cwizard123]

I have not read all the other posts but I've read yours and a few

I'd say good on ya for wanting children really. I watched a documentary once of a various ladies around the world, and those who chased a career sat when they were 40 and said 'oh damn, what have i achieved in life except extra money?'
while in contrast a different woman had to choose to get married or to work. Back then it was hard to do both. And she chose to get married and have children, and she had no regrets or few regrets compared to the other women.
So good on ya.

But don't wait too long, it really is a natural thing for a woman to want to be a mother, but society pushes us in different ways, making us believe its all about climbing the corporate ladder

But it is important that your husband spends properly too. Work out a budget, stick to it, help each other stick to it. children are a blessing, so many couples can't have children sadly, and so many don't want any :-S

All the best!

[Adametokillfor]

OrangeSugarCookies

Love Is Worth Sacrifice

Yeah, I understand completely, trust me. I see nothing wrong with trying after you get married. I see how he is being selfish, as well. It's not like it happens the first time around. Sure, it does happen that way for a good bit of people but that's mostly just stupid teenagers who have sex when they aren't ready. My dad had no choice in whether or not he was ready for a kid. I was six when my mom met him and they got married. He adopted me and I took his last name. Two years later, my brother was born. My family and life is somewhat complicated.

As far as your soon-to-be husband goes, I think that he should at least be willing to compromise on the situation. It sounds like he's trying to hold on to something that just doesn't exist anymore. Have talked to him about it recently? If you have, then I think that he should respect your wants and needs enough to be willing to compromise despite his own selfish needs and wants and I'm only saying this because I know exactly how much it's hurting you. If I didn't understand the pain, I would more than likely be on his side.

If he was buying useless crap for ME, perhaps I wouldn't be as cross about it...D:

He doesn't want things to change, or rather, he is AFRAID of what will happen when they do.


Now, here's the worst part. He told me the other night, about a week ago, that he was contemplating 'caving' and having me get off my BC.
I yelled at him, actually. I told him having a child is not a matter of one parent-to-be 'caving' to the other. I asked him, "Are you really ready for nightly trips out for diapers, giving a baby an enema because of digestive problems, being woken up at all hours of the night, forever, by this kid--" He stopped me, with a half-laugh, and said, "Well, I'm not sure I want to give ANYONE an enema" and I said "That. Right there. That is why we can't have kids yet. I would give the kid an enema."

He is afraid of how things will change.

..."I would give the kid an enema" neutral stare "That's why we can't have kids" cause he won't give the kid an enema...? Are you sure you two should marry? You have such radical differences... rolleyes

[jadescarab]

You know I'd let you babysit if we were closer! The Bean is getting close to the terrible twos and Jameth and I barely get time alone together anymore.

I had that urge too, before. Then I lost a few... it hurt. I thought I couldn't have one. Getting preggers was a huge surprize. I kinda forced Jameth to let me keep it.

Your man is a sweety, but isn't much above childhood yet himself. XD
Once he sees Jameth get through the fatherhood bit he'll probably be more confident.
I know he'd make a decent dad.

[Kaeth]

I'm just going to say it right now - he'll never happily stop spending money on himself, and it's not necessarily selfish of him to spend money on himself in the first place. The things he buys make him happy. That's what money is for: to buy things that make you happy, even if it's "stupid" small things like videogames. The fact that you dismiss his purchases as "willy-nilly" spending makes you look like a nag who doesn't understand or respect the little hobbies that make him happy.

If you expect him to give up his comfort habits and eventually put that money toward a baby he's promised to you but clearly trying to put off, expect an unhappy fiance/husband.