;A; I need your opinion on an original shoujo manga plot!

[meowfuuuuuuuuuuu]

Hello there! The name's dai-hima/houseki/whatever you wanna call me. c;

I've been drawing some new pages from my manga on smackjeeves (here if you're interested) when I realized that I MADE A MAJOR MISTAKE EARLIER IN THE PLOT.

OTL I HAD MY MAIN GIRL MEET A DIFFERENT GUY BEFORE HER DESTINED PARTNER. OTL

It doesn't seem like all that big of a deal UNTIL

You go back and examine ALL shoujo manga and Korean dramas. OH EM EFF GEE

The main character almost ALWAYS ends up with the first guy she meets, as if it's fate. B-but in the next page I'm drawing it seems like she really connects with the other guy in the story.
This is what I get for not planning ahead properly OTL



What can I do to save it? I've considered redrawing the cover/rewriting the plot so that my "other" guy is the leading man, but I really don't want to. I think I've devised a way to fix it, but I'm not sure it'll fly.

Anyways, I really want to make the comic cliche' and yummy. 8'D I-if you have any spare time that you'd be willing to waste advising me... ;w; I'd give you credit for part of the plot! lol~ XDD

[dah fuzzinator of dewm!]

Oh, pretty art...

Being on topic!

Maybe the first guy could make an mistake or act in a malicious way, so that the girl could be attracted to the first guy?

[so_broken_down]

If you want to make it cliche...
you can't without uber changing it sad
OMG PAUSE - "WTF I thought this was a shoujo manga!" xD ROFL.
That is hilarious biggrin
Maybe you could make it so that the guy she meets first, she's only friends with him, it turns out that he likes her, but then she goes for the second guy, so the first guy is like.....</3....?
*facepalm* worst advice ever sad
but i really enjoyed the manga? ;D

[meowfuuuuuuuuuuu]

@dah fuzzinator
LOL! B-but the problem I have with that is that I've grown to love Shinya, as annoying his hair is to ink at times. OTL

I was thinking I could just make the random stalker girl in the story like the evil but gorgeous villainesses in Korean dramas, who are obsessed with the protagonists' love interests (even though the main guys usually aren't the best looking actors in K dramas. OTL ). EXCEPT, she'd be in love with Shinya, and she's convinced that the band is keeping Shinya from spending more time with her? OTL But then Shinya would seem like a flirt. OTL


I'VE GOT IT! 8'D

random stalker girl and first guy (shinya) were once in love, but they got into a car accident and shinya thought she was dead. Shinya starts to fall for the main girl a little while main girl and main guy fall for each other hard. *A* And then Shinya is reunited with stalker girl!


...;w; thank you fuzzinator! LOL heart



EDIT~ heart

@so broken down
*//A//* LOL! Ahahaha, you're right. OTL Or I'll have to redraw the cover with Shinya on it. c; But I'm suspicious of Shinya! E~eh, above, I fixed the manga plot. 8'D But now it's on crack. XD (Korean drama crack.) //shot'd/

;//3//; thank you~! LOL Your advice made me happy, but it makes Nami look like a ho~ ;3; *sniffles*

Not really but;; xD;; I don't want her to become one of those manga characters some girls get angry at. xD The topics on mangafox forums make me laugh but ;; I'd be sad if someone thought "Gosh I hate Nami! She should have picked Shinya!" deep down. XDD

...it would have worked if she had met Shinya second, b-but ;A;

A-and thank you! ;3;

[Alias Onyx RAIDEN]

Tana

Oh dear... need I even tell you what horribly insulting thoughts I'm having towards you at the moment? Pardon me for being "stuck up", as you put it, but I'm rather a stickler for rules and following those rules. And I'm quite certain that this goes against those rules.

But seriously. I think it was decided ages ago that Manga did not count as writing, since it's 90-something percent pictures.

[Zana Bonanza]

I disagree. Although your mileage will vary, some amount of writing does go into manga, graphic novels, comics, etc. and while it's not great literature or anything, you can still find some really good stories to go along with some really good art. I think it's a bit unfair to immediately chase people out the of WF just because they're writing for a manga.

Although, that being said, I have to admit that dai-hima doesn't seem to be much into the writing aspect. Sorry, girl. Your art's good, but right now it sounds like you're taking the Anti-Guide seriously. Why does the main girl have to met her destined partner first? How often does that happen in real life? You shouldn't make such a big deal and try to change the story over this one little thing. And why do you want it to be cliche? I take it your not writing it as a parody. Why not try something different? You don't have to conform to pre-existing mangas; we've already seen those. If it's the same as the old stuff, why would anyone want to read it?

[Marty Nozz]

You did it from right to left. I'm assuming your first language is English, so that's wrong.

You're actually attempting to make your story less original and more cliché. That's ridiculous.

Stop reading manga for a while, at least until you are done plotting this thing.

[Chinko-chan]

Wait, I don't think Im understanding this correctly.

You're upset because your heroine didn't meet her destined mate first, like in all the other manga you read?

So now you want to redraw your comic to make it read like the other comics you read?

That can't be what you're suggesting, that's just too absurd. I must be misunderstanding something you've said.

Who wants to read a tired old formula over and over again? Why does it even matter? Break down those manga stereotypes and make a story that's worth reading.

[Hochsten von Hurensohn]

Your crimes against writing are so heinous and numerous that I find myself unable to post anything in this thread but my visceral disgust for you.

[merixthexninja]

Girl is introduced. Girl interacts with people, one happens to be a male. She later meets a guy and falls in love with him. I see no problem with that. So I'll talk about your other problems.

Japanese sound FX for an English comic. Brilliant. Might as well just scribble on the page, as it'd do you as much good. Thing is, 95% of your audience has no ******** clue what that says, so it's useless to convey what you mean. WRITE IN ENGLISH.

"<<lawlz read this way because I am retarded", right on the damn page. Once again, scribble on it, and it'd be less of a crime against professional appearances.

Now you're explaining what things mean in Japanese. "Otaku is a very strong word in Japanese." I'm confused, because this conflicts with your earlier association that we can read Jap Sound FX. So do you expect your audience to be able to read Jap/know Jap characters, or don't you?

Stop with the damned authors comments on the margins between panels. Save it for the author's comments under the page. Nothing like reminding us we're reading an amateur comic to break the mood.

Some of your fonts are hard to read.

Personal thing, but I hate the little character introduction boxes alongside first shots of characters. Unless it's a parody or comedy. IMO it's lazy characterization.

On page 9, that's one of the few times a margin-explaination line would be appropriate, when you talk about his previous bad experiences, because without that knowledge the panel wouldn't make sense, and it would be lengthy to show visually, whereas it's not too important to furthering the plot.

Art isn't amazing, but you're showing effort, so good job there, I suppose.

[Illustrated Indignity]

meowfuuuuuuuuuuu

OTL I HAD MY MAIN GIRL MEET A DIFFERENT GUY BEFORE HER DESTINED PARTNER. OTL

It doesn't seem like all that big of a deal UNTIL

You go back and examine ALL shoujo manga and Korean dramas. OH EM EFF GEE

The main character almost ALWAYS ends up with the first guy she meets, as if it's fate. B-but in the next page I'm drawing it seems like she really connects with the other guy in the story.

....

Are you ******** serious?
That's one of the main reasons why I HATE most shoujo. " AAAHHH I SAW DIS GUY FIRTS SO IMMA MARY HIIIIMM "
If life were really like that, we'd all marry our respective fathers.
ಠ_ಠ
I'm...honestly, I'm just...appalled. By your stupidity.
Why...would you even WANT it to be just like every other shoujo manga out there? Why would anyone bother to read it? Because, honestly, I wouldn't. I'd just swing by the local bookstore, pick up the first book I find, and throw it across the room flip through it. I'd get the same story. Really. I would.

[carolita]

I don't read shoujo manga at all , so I did not even bother reading your story ( also because the description made absolute no sense to me , you're trying to copy Korean manhua, and you're obsessed because you haven't copied it correctly?wtf )

But all I can say is that ; I have trouble differentiating the gender of your characters; I'm used to effeminate guys and all , it's just that your main schoolgirl seems kind of, too off to the man-side of mango. Maybe if you make her fa-actually I still don't get why I think it's a guy. Maybe I'm a freak.
EDIT: I might have found it ; except for the 'promotional between chapter pictures' Main character does not seem to have any curves nor shape. Just a rectangle.
OTL fail 4 am comment are fail

[BunnyCupCakes]

I duno, I like it so far.

But why ( like everybody asked ) do you want to make it cliche?

Since this comic is heavy comedy-wise, are you going to use it as satire? A lil' twist doesn't hurt, you know...

[Murira]

I can't understand for the life of me why you would want to make your comic more cliche. Cliches are bad. If you notice that you're not following the cliche, then why not roll with it? It'll make the story more interesting and different from all the samey stories out there. Which means that people might not be able to predict what happens next...which means that they'll want to keep reading. You want people to want to read it.

As far as the art goes, I had a hard time following what was going on. "ADHD" comes to mind when I think about the pacing of your comic, and the pages seemed a bit messy with tones and text thrown kinda haphazardly onto it. It makes my mind turn off. It's okay to have some plain white space once in a while. This page was my favorite, and it also has no tones on it. XD So be more confident with your art. You don't need to hide stuff with tones. And if you could, maybe increase the black levels on the lineart. It looks a bit washed-out.

Anywho, looks like you're trying, so that's good. Just...stop trying to make it cliche. sweatdrop